Men in Black 3

Men in black was unfortunately released around the same time as The Avengers, so it really didn’t stand a chance, however, watching it a good 2 months after its release in the peace and quiet of my room, you really get to appreciate what a well crafted action comedy this is. A good 15 years after the first men in black, with its blockbuster actor, blockbuster sales and blockbuster soundtrack…Will Smith could do no wrong, and this seems less like a sequel, so there’s no jinx there…but somehow…I seem to have missed the men in black2 from 2002…or maybe I just         don’t remember, after all, 10 years was a long time ago.

Anyway, back to MIB3, which opens with Nicole Schrezinger sashaying in Black leather Louboutin stiletto boots smuggling an obviously dodgy cake into a beyond Maxium security prison. Boris the animal (clearly the villain because his name is Boris and he has a weird deep voice and funny teeth, not to mention the “animal” bit and ironically the only one who got any kind of action in the whole movie) Now, as predicted, the cake contains something that will enable Boris escape from prison in what ought to be the lamest prison break in movie history. Using a cake for concealement? Weapons so easily accessible, and how what exactly is the point of having a gun powerful enough to blast a hole through the wall of a prison on the moon in the prison? Seriously…what was the plan for the gun? And that’s how Boris escapes…with his freaky handpet shooting spikes that kill and this claw feet that are stronger than the gravitational pull of…wait…why exactly did 100 guards and Nicole get sucked into outerspace? The moon has 1/6^th the gravity of earth, so if initially they were walking around normally indoors, that would mean an artificial atmosphere had been created in there so they could breathe…as well as artificial gravity…but hey, let’s just let that minor detail slide, cue flag, the story begins.

Will Smith looks as though he’s hardly aged and tommy lee’s face is melting. Now the whole going back into time thing was pretty cool but a little clichéd…and even though we eventually find out why there are secrets even the universe doesn’t know…and time travel was “outlawed” the inventor was jailed with the worst criminal ever (have we learnt nothing about the transfer of information in prison, and wasn’t Boris in solitatary confinement?) his son is free to roam new York and provide time travel services to random people. Let’s just fast forward to when Agent J meets up with the above wanker, blah blah blah, shows him the box with the gadget…1 is missing…and I’m wondering why this kid is still alive…why didn’t Boris kill him? Does he need him to get back to the present? (apparently not) and why didn’t he take both gadgets to prevent pursuit? I still don’t get it. Now this whole movie has this random inception thing going on, the worst of which is when Agent J jumps off the launch pad with Boris and then goes 5mins back in time to re-live the fight only this time he dodges all the spikes (a la Matrix and Wanted)and wins the fight. Now why oh why, didn’t someone do this earlier? Did Boris loose his jumper?

Now on to more sensitive issues. Never mind that Will smith was practically the only speaking minority in the movie, they had to conveniently go back in time to 1969, just a year after the passage of the civil rights act and a mere 4 years after the passage of the voting act in the USA, the time travellers son having made comments about how un-cool the 60’s were for “blacks” apart from being pulled over, the depiction of the era was unfairly inaccurate. Why the bobs, vintage cut suits, period cars and décor? Why do a perfect job of going back in time only to sugar coat a necessary truth?  Is it because it’s a family movie? (I cite the episode of family guy in the diner) please keep it real, make a point. Vampire diaries keeps it strangely painfully real and consistent…with all witches being black-ish and being slaves or servants in the civil war era throwbacks, but that’s another blog. A black general?  I see…Now race issues aside, Agent J didn’t know his father…fine…but who was he raised by? I’m guessing not his mom…was he neuralised and put up for adoption by Agent K? wow…and was K keeping tabs on him till he was recruited? Or was that just a coincidence? Hmm… 1 more thing…if K died in ’69…who recruited K? and why was he still an agent? How do you overlook the whole premise of your movie?