Tuesday, December 17, 2013

BEYONCE Running Commentary



1.       PRETTY HURTS

Is this track broken? I knew it I knew it…damn Torrentz…..oh ok…it’s keche….cool…hmm, yeah… Pretty hurts and Perfection is a disease mayne.
Is this her plastic surgery confessional? I see…

Short of the irony of Beyonce of all people singing about the pain of aspiring to perfection, this song is catchy and uplifting-ish. This is no “Unpretty” but I’ll give her kudos for the socio cultural significance. I also can’t stand the constant harping on beauty-inner beauty-real beauty etc. Can we all just agree and call it what it is? Beauty is beauty, Intelligence is intelligence, Compassion is compassion, we really need to stop trying to make ‘beauty’ a synonym for ‘good’

2.  HAUNTED

Aww cute, she said Beyons. ..spooky intro…hmm…did she just say Salamanca?                 #BreakingBad…no…Solomon? …I’m not going to ragenius for this…Beat drops…not          bad…don’t particularly get why it’s called haunted though…beat switches again?      Hmm…and again? Who produced this? Drake?... Drakes Producer?...Ah is this song              still playing…mmm…like some spirit that can’t pass on…I think I get it…

3. DRUNK IN LOVE (FT JAY Z)

                Mmm you’ve been drinking eh? Woke up in the kitchen? Ei beyonchi…really tho? After singing love in this club with ursher…we get another ref…this southern twang is too much for me mehn…surf board?...wow…B on that slizzerd now? I                              see…Impressive…Yay…daddy Jay…these days u dey repeat tins oh…smh…middle age             is catching up with you ehn…it’s cool…up all night like till 11pm eh? Oh Chale

4. BLOW

                Whoa…a new song has started already? Hollup…I love your face…you love the taste…title? Blow?! Eieieie Beyonce…of late you come understand entendres oh!    Hey! Moaning now…guess I know why it’s age restricted. Skittles tho? Mmm Grown             women on the floor! Ouch…that sounds hella painful yo..tear it out?..no TURN it          out..ok… I can get with that… Daddy long stroke ay? Chale Chale…and ofcourse…Le      Francais.

5. NO ANGEL

                Trying not to make a Mandela Funeral ASL joke… right…so…moving on. I’m breathing heavy…and you’re no angel…I’m no angel…but you’re my angel? I’m sorry but all I see is the cheesy video. She’s riding the beat though. Rapping again I see…


6. PARTITION

                 Who is Ms. Carter? Seriously? Blue Ivy? Better be Blue Ivy. So we’re on the hip hop hump I see…Yonce all on his mouth like liquor…Channeling Missy Elliot now I      see…the year she comes out of ‘retirement’…I’m just  a little confused…isn’t Beyonce a French derived name? oh…so is that how it’s supposed to be pronounced? WHOAAAAAA HE MONCA LEWINSKY-ED all over my gown? Oh no she                 didn’t….no.she. did. Not! Channeling old DC I see. Getting it in in the limo…basically.       Hard. Cute…Cos no matter how lewd and raunchy a statement is, It’s                              automatically more acceptable once said in Le Francais.


7.  JEALOUS
                                                Is this Run the World again? No…who cooks naked B? I know it gets hot but… anyway…So essentially, your man is straying so you’re also out there wilding…we’re  grateful you still have friends to randomly chill in the clubs with…you know those          unwed unencumbered friends *cough* Kelly *cough* Michelle  uhem… oh over so          soon…Ok not bad…goes easy on the ears

8. ROCKET

                There nor, “let me sit this ass on you”…wow…Cater2U pt 2….oh nice…this is that grown and sexy RnB…impressive, reminds me of D’Angelo. Obviously about what it’s about, but not so overt that it’s tasteless. 5 stars.  Daddy…daddy…been a bad girl…punish me?…so much has been written about how wrong calling your                            significant other Daddy is…but oh well…


9. MINE (FT. DRAKE)
                This is such a Drake song! Melancholy intro, Random rap, Balladeering…ah isn’t this just a different way of saying I’ll take care of You? And drake will not be undone on his own track! Sang it Boo! Overall nice jam, easy on the ears…

10. XO
                Any reason “XO” is immediately after Drake’s joint? No? ok…
                This song ended before I realised It was playing…guess that’s the filler track then…

11. FLAWLESS (FT. CHIMAMANDA ADICHE)

                Chi chi doing big tings neh! Eh eh! Rick Ross is shook right now! He’s wondering if he       qualifies to bow down even…oh man! Straight up Riri warning…this is the vid with in the denim thong right? Wow…

                First of all, let me give it B, this song is catchy as hell! “I woke up like this!” and no             matter how wrong…I’m going to be chanting this, along with “Big pimpin’”, “Larry Hoover”            and “drop it like it’s hot” Perhaps we give B too much credit…She represents women/   black women just as much as any other artist, not more. Does she profess to be a role        model? I’m not sure? Maybe. But you know who doesn’t? Rihanna. Ms Fenty has never              minced words in letting the world know that her worst behaviour is for herself…and maybe          for sales but most definitely not for the kids, she doesn’t consider herself a role model. That      doesn’t mean she doesn’t have a following and has no influence so she can act however she              wants. She can act however she wants because she’s an individual just like everyone else                 and furthermore, a pop star. We all know Beyonce was Riri’s Idol, booty hoppin along with          her in her bedroom, watching B on TV, yes, just like the rest of us, and now, they’re                 essentially peers. I’m just going to chalk up B telling other female artistes to “bow down” as                Hip Hop Bravado…when we all know what it really is…Apparently there’s only room for 1                 black female singer and rapper on top, and B is basically returning for her crown, that she                 temporarily abdicated to sort out family issues (as she says so herself) there was so much           hype about Chimamanda’s sample, personally, as a fan, but I feel it doesn’t do her justice. This album features a lot of fairly well placed snippets, but this one…this one I’m not too          sure about. It’s being trumpeted as “a sample of a feminist speech”, thereby implying that                 Flawless is a feminist song, which it clearly isn’t…or are the bitches she refers to men?    Beyonce hits us again with the irony of a song about how she has it all (money, career, husband and child) while featuring a sample that speaks specifically to the double               standard…or rather marriage oriented standard that women are held to. The basic premise   of the first verse is that B feels that the other artistes have had a field day in her absence,              but she has returned…so she hopes they’ve enjoyed their time in the sun and all, however        it’s time to “bow down”. Am I right in assuming she didn’t really understand the essence of               Chimamanda’s speech (which will probably be the most enthralling 30mins of your life) In                 shouting about breaking the mould and the glass ceiling, all Beyonce seems to be really        doing is perpetuating the very same ideals that are contrary feminism. She sings about                  Perfection being a disease of a nation while being the embodiment of this “perfection” I am      the only rolling her eyes? A successful man is one who has excelled in his professional field,               everything else is extra…mere garnish but a successful woman has to have her looks as well                as her family in check before being bestowed with that honour. That is the crux of the    matter and all Flawless, and this entire album do is reiterate it.

12. SUPERPOWER (FT. FRANK OCEAN)
                Not sure what the doomsday-anarchist themed video as to do with this song… and      frank has just 2 lines? Or is he humming in the background?

13. HEAVEN
               
                A song about our dearly departed…

14. BLUE (FT.BLUE IVY)
                Nice vocals, with a tinge of Bossanova J  Good way to end
                               
Whatever happens, the mere secrecy surrounding the release of this album has cemented it in music history, and it has already broken several record sales records. It’s a solid Hip-Hop RnB effort and is a far improvement over “4”. Beyonce gets top marks for cunning and planning, and if the past 2 years was her “disappearing” (world tour, several videos and singles, an album) then we’re in trouble now that Blue is walking and talking! There are endless critiques of Beyonce as an artist, what she represents etc, but perhaps we should just enjoy this album for what it is…Popular Music

Thursday, December 05, 2013

Mtv european music awards

So how did the most scadalous mtvemas of all time pass me by?

Redfoo...u a foo! Fire crotch? Penicillin?  Doggie style? Getting people wet? Jnr just become a man? Where were the censors? Oh..I know...monitoring mnm!

Nananana rrr tatatataaa

And speaking of Eminem. ..so that's it...he's back? We're back to those days huh? Ah well...guess mobo had a good run. Iggy azalea? What r u waiting for...jump on it eh. I don't understand why you didn't pull a lil mama on ems...or snoop!  Btw...are we back to dogg now?  Leave Ariana alone, Iggy she already scurred. How old is she anyway? 12? Cuteness has never been so....un ...cute

I don't care

Longest dress ever on Miley but then again...I guess its cold in space right?  And this might not be p.c. bur I gotta say...are all genetically vertically challenged individuals so posteriorly well endowed? That must have been the  most toned down of performances.  And shaddout to her waxer...definitely the most gifted artist of the night. Them high legs are an accident waiting to happen boo boo...that's why we wore them with leggings in the eighties baby.

I love it!

Ylvis dressed up to...not perform? How? Of all the places that catchy beautiful poignant nonsense would have been more than welcome. ... ah well

Big up nicole the pole! Don't mind riri ok...she was just hating. You woulda turnt that already turnt up video into something else.  You made me stop and pay attention to bruno mars' guitarr riffs and now...afromunchkin has my stamp of approval.  Good job!